


Spam

by minzimpression



Series: winterhawk one-shots [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: E-mail, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:56:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minzimpression/pseuds/minzimpression
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>From:</b>bowznarrowz@starkmail.com<br/><b>To:</b>piroshki@starkmail.com<br/><b>Date:</b>Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 8:24 AM<br/><b>Subject:</b>look i’m really sorry</p><p> </p><p>  <em>ok ok. i shouldn’t have recorded you. </em></p><p> </p><p>or: Clint apologizes to Natasha. At least he thinks, he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spam

**Author's Note:**

> so much fun writing this~

**From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 8:24 AM  
**Subject:** look i’m really sorry

 

> ok ok. i shouldn’t have recorded you. but it was funny, you have to admit it…big bad Russian emptying their stomach because of the vodka.
> 
> taking my phone and throwing it out of the tower was a bit harsh tho.
> 
> all my numbers were saved there! i don’t trust that suspicious starkcloud and didn’t save anything there, you know that! stark’s gonna be the creator of skynet.
> 
> how did you even manage to get up for that mission today?
> 
> i don’t like when you’re not talking to me...
> 
> at least i remembered your mail address. i’m really sorry, please talk to me again. don’t climb robocop like a tree. he’s not _that_ hot. i can’t believe fury put the two of you together….undercover my ass, you should hope that this creepy glove stark made for him works.
> 
> stay safe.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 11:53 AM  
**Subject:** don’t ignore me

 

> i know you checked into the hotel. fury told me. you’re addicted to social media. you already read the mail and now you’re letting me suffer, right?
> 
> i ordered a new phone, stark doesn’t want to give me the new prototype. stupid ass. you break a prototype tablet ONE time and he’s a dick for the rest of your life.
> 
> i even clicked on express delivery. it should be here by tomorrow morning.
> 
> fucking expensive that shit. but it’s the best on the market. don’t tell stark i said that. 
> 
> can you send me your number at least? writing mail is so old school.
> 
> stay safe.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 1:29 PM  
**Subject:** bad tacos

 

> i shouldn’t have filmed you while vomiting. it really isn’t a pleasant experience.
> 
> even i was thinking that the tacos are way too cheap.
> 
> stay safe.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 4:46 PM  
**Subject:** this meeting is boring

 

> so, you haven’t answered because of being undercover? fury just told us the mission is more complicated than he would have thought. steve an me are going to be the back-up.
> 
> steve’s shitting himself, cause it’s robocop’s first solo mission (without him, god these two are so gay)
> 
> do you think robocop is gay? or bi?
> 
> i heard that girls got wet panties just looking at him at the 40’s
> 
> makes sense, kind of
> 
> please answer as soon as you’ve got the time.
> 
> stay safe. 

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 7:18 PM  
**Subject:** you’re probably ballroom dancing rn

 

> did you actually fuck the winter soldier or is it just a rumor?
> 
> i think i’m jealous.
> 
> the winter soldier. more like the hot damn soldier.
> 
> i’m hungry. i didn’t hear the delivery boy and steve ate all my pizza. rude.
> 
> stay safe.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 10:03 PM  
**Subject:** outback steakhouse is always a good choice

 

> i didn’t have to pay because the manager recognized me as hawkGuy. fuck, yeah.
> 
> it’s unnerving that you’re not talking to me. i don’t know if you’re still angry.
> 
> stay safe. 

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 11:48 PM  
**Subject:** fucking amazon

 

> i should have bought that thing directly from a StarkStore.
> 
> at least they’re giving me a small discount for the inconvenience. well, they are refunding the money i gave them for express delivery. is it still a discount then?
> 
> i’m curious about the display of the phone tho. it promises that you can touch it with everything and it will react. i bet the ad means touching it with a glove, but will it react if i touch it with the tip of my dick? sorry, i’m tired, i’ll delete that sentence right now
> 
> do you think the display will react to robocop’s metal finger?
> 
> i’m gonna go to bed now, hope you can wrap up the mission tonight.
> 
> stay safe.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 3:12 AM  
**Subject:** [No Subject]

 

> i can’t fucking sleep. everything is blue. my eyes are blue. he’s in my head, hesinmyheadhesinmyhead
> 
> i asked J to call you. have your number again. where are you? 
> 
> imunmade
> 
> please be safe. i need you.

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 8:59 AM  
**Subject:** stark christmas gala

 

> stark looked crazy, i think he pulled an all-nighter. but a more entertaining one than mine, that’s for sure.
> 
> i feel like shit. and he wouldn’t shut up about this christmas thing in two weeks. every one of us needs to attend. he told me to bring a hot date, since it would look pathetic if i’m alone there. i bet you’re going with sam. fuck you and your boyfriend. 
> 
> no srsly, can we have a threesome?
> 
> can you please pick up your phone? J says, it’s always voicemail. i miss you. since we haven’t been called in i guess everything went well. 
> 
> my phone should come tonight. i bet it comes home hours after you, please don’t throw it out of the window again, i’m not rich and that fucking phone better be worth the money.
> 
> robocop would be a hot date.
> 
> do you think he would go to the gala with me? he sure as hell is nice arm candy, everyone will be jealous…
> 
> i gotta ask steve for permission first, of course. i bet steve will threaten me with his shield and give me the talk. do you think he popped steve’s cherry? is that 40’s bff stuff?
> 
> stay safe. 

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:18 AM  
**Subject:** fury called

 

>   
>  he says you’ll be here in 3 hours.
> 
> you should be boarding the quinjet rn. robocop is flying it, right? i’m jealous. he’s better at everything. good thing he’s hot…
> 
> stay safe, see you later. i’ll order thai.

 

 **From:** pirozhki@starkmail.com  
**To:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:22 AM  
**Subject:** You are a moron

 

> James just showed me his phone.
> 
> He looks torn between laughing and crying. Good Job.
> 
> You better be ordering some Tom Yum Goong.
> 
> xx 

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** pirozhki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:25 AM  
**Subject:** [Re:]You are a moron

 

> what? what’s wrong with him?

 

 **From:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**To:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:36 AM  
**Subject:** [Re:] fury called

 

> Hawkeye,
> 
> my phone was turned off during the whole mission. I just read your mails now. 
> 
> I think, you’ve made a small mistake. I actually checked Natalia’s address and can understand the slight confusion. 
> 
> I’m sorry about that. I will forward every e-mail to Natalia and will delete them from my phone.
> 
> I will see you at the tower.
> 
> J.B.B. 

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:38 AM  
**Subject:** [Re: Re:]fury called

 

> who the fuck uses that name anyway?
> 
> piroshky, pirozhki whatever, was that the only treat the Red Room gave ya? fucking hell

 

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 10:39 AM  
**Subject:** im sorry

 

> sorry, that was uncalled for. i’m just a bit embarrassed. i didn’t intend writing all that shit to you. please delete that immediately. 
> 
> yeah, see you at the tower. 

 

 **From:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**To:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 11:56 AM  
**Subject:** [Re:] im sorry

 

> Hawkeye,
> 
> it’s okay. But don’t let Natalia hear you say that. You should buy her piroshki from that one place in Brooklyn some time. She really loves them.
> 
> I have to concentrate on flying now.
> 
> J.B.B.
> 
> P.S. I’d love to go to the gala with you. Also, Steve lost his virginity to Mrs. Cohen, his teacher in art school.

 

~+~

 **From:** bowznarrowz@starkmail.com  
**To:** piroshki@starkmail.com  
**Date:** Fri, Dec 25, 2015 at 10:39 AM  
**Subject:** got a present for you

 

> it’s between my legs.
> 
> who the fuck goes out for a run Christmas morning anyway.
> 
> it’s cold, i’m naked. come back to bed. steve can go fuck himself and run alone.
> 
> **Attached:** forprivateeyesonlydontopeninfrontofsteve.jpg

**Author's Note:**

> omg html is a bitch
> 
>  
> 
> my [tumblr](http://minzimpression.tumblr.com)


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